I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
