I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
