This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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