I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Ladies don't puke and tell
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
