I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
