explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
