You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
