If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
