This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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