am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Randomize
