how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
