I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
My penis needs a shock collar
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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