It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize