so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
