whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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