Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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