So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
