Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
