Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
