why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
