Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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