Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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