I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
