We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
