you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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