Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
