is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
