Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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