I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
