I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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