Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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