Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
