I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
