I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
