Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
