i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
