Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
3 2 1 whiskey
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
