She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
