she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
