you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
