This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
