I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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