I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Randomize
