Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
