College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize