I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
