Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
