new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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