Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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