this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
My vagina is very pro this idea
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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