He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
