She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
My vagina just recognized that song.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
