If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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