if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
