Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
