HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
