Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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