Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
