Please, let me fuck your mom
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
