i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Randomize
