im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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