Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
