I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
