just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
