I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
