I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
only you would photoshop your dick
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
