So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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