My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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