my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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