Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize