I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
