So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
where are my eyebrows?
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