All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
