Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
