Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
