Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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