you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
What drink are we having for lunch?
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
