There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
